Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Thursday, September 04, 2008
I will boast in the Lord. I will boast of my weakness so that His strength may be made complete in me. The Lord is merciful and faithful in His Word and works.
He is good. He is faithful. His Word is true.
Another long 2 hour chat with my grandma today after a short misunderstanding. This was how it happened:
I had been fatigued over the past 2 weeks and allowed fear to conquer me and lose boldness to confront the issues I'm facing with. This is the 3rd week, and as school, church, ministry commitments start kicking in, I had been relying on my own strength to juggle it all.
The week before, I had told my grandma I'd be returning home on Wednesday morning. (I'm currently moving between home in Jurong and Cantonment, which I think is a huge cause of the fatigue.) Wednesday morning came, but I felt weak and needed personal space and rest. My heart was burdened as I could not contact my grandma and I struggled in the flesh to get out of my home early. Also, staying with my grandma can be really intense. I did not feel I'd have the capacity to withhold (in my own strength).
I ran. I fled. I hid.
The night of returning, my grandma called my home and began accusing my mum of stealing her will (long story about this... Money was the root of the feud between my grandma and my dad, but it really is the darkening of men's heart and bitter hatred). My mum was deeply agitated by the accusation. I knew in my heart that the issue had snowballed from
my absence. my fear. my timidity.
I did not go to class today. I went to see a doctor to get an excuse to rest. I would be going back to see her today. I uttered a prayer in my heart:
"Lord, grant me favour with my grandma. Dispell any doubts or anger in her so she may feel loved. Grant us patience."
My mum waited for me at the park below the block. We prayed before we set forth to my grandma's place on the 28th floor.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. - Proverbs 15:1
Through listening and reaffirming, I understand more how she feels. I am burdened of her misconceptions about life. I can love her more.
My grandma has many concerns and issues with trust. She trust no ones and is cautious, having been cheated many times through her life. She chooses not to have friends, she awaits her destiny she believes is the judgment upon those who have afflicted pain and agony to her. She shared that she was also cautious of why I have come to stay with her and if it was due to other reasons. She shared
her suspicions, her doubts, her accusations.
But she shared it from her heart. She poured out to me her feelings and her distress. Her agony and her pain. Her bitterness to my father and paternal relatives. She wants to build trust in me, being her grandson. She loves me and my mum.
"Father, I praise You for You are good, faithful and Your Word stands true. Use me in Your ministry of reconciliation. Pardon my weaknesses, yet I know Your grace is sufficient for me. I pray for my grandma that you will lift the veil of her eyes, so that she will see you and know You are God. Forgive her wrong accusations against You, for she knows not what she is doing. Bring her into salvation, that she might truly know You as Lord and Saviour. Amen"
I continue to bear in mind the words my SM Bixia encouraged me with:
"the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world" - 1 John 4:4
Indeed, in Christ we have the victory.
He is good. He is faithful. His Word is true.
Another long 2 hour chat with my grandma today after a short misunderstanding. This was how it happened:
I had been fatigued over the past 2 weeks and allowed fear to conquer me and lose boldness to confront the issues I'm facing with. This is the 3rd week, and as school, church, ministry commitments start kicking in, I had been relying on my own strength to juggle it all.
The week before, I had told my grandma I'd be returning home on Wednesday morning. (I'm currently moving between home in Jurong and Cantonment, which I think is a huge cause of the fatigue.) Wednesday morning came, but I felt weak and needed personal space and rest. My heart was burdened as I could not contact my grandma and I struggled in the flesh to get out of my home early. Also, staying with my grandma can be really intense. I did not feel I'd have the capacity to withhold (in my own strength).
I ran. I fled. I hid.
The night of returning, my grandma called my home and began accusing my mum of stealing her will (long story about this... Money was the root of the feud between my grandma and my dad, but it really is the darkening of men's heart and bitter hatred). My mum was deeply agitated by the accusation. I knew in my heart that the issue had snowballed from
my absence. my fear. my timidity.
I did not go to class today. I went to see a doctor to get an excuse to rest. I would be going back to see her today. I uttered a prayer in my heart:
"Lord, grant me favour with my grandma. Dispell any doubts or anger in her so she may feel loved. Grant us patience."
My mum waited for me at the park below the block. We prayed before we set forth to my grandma's place on the 28th floor.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. - Proverbs 15:1
Through listening and reaffirming, I understand more how she feels. I am burdened of her misconceptions about life. I can love her more.
My grandma has many concerns and issues with trust. She trust no ones and is cautious, having been cheated many times through her life. She chooses not to have friends, she awaits her destiny she believes is the judgment upon those who have afflicted pain and agony to her. She shared that she was also cautious of why I have come to stay with her and if it was due to other reasons. She shared
her suspicions, her doubts, her accusations.
But she shared it from her heart. She poured out to me her feelings and her distress. Her agony and her pain. Her bitterness to my father and paternal relatives. She wants to build trust in me, being her grandson. She loves me and my mum.
"Father, I praise You for You are good, faithful and Your Word stands true. Use me in Your ministry of reconciliation. Pardon my weaknesses, yet I know Your grace is sufficient for me. I pray for my grandma that you will lift the veil of her eyes, so that she will see you and know You are God. Forgive her wrong accusations against You, for she knows not what she is doing. Bring her into salvation, that she might truly know You as Lord and Saviour. Amen"
I continue to bear in mind the words my SM Bixia encouraged me with:
"the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world" - 1 John 4:4
Indeed, in Christ we have the victory.
Labels: In Christ we have the victory
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Today my grandma hugged my mum for the first time in decades.
I was delighted to see the smile on both their faces. How much more the joy of reconciliation of Him who reconciled the world to God. The ministry of reconciliation.
When my mum left, grandma told me how she found it awkward doing what she did. She says she finds it embrassing to do such a thing, being more conservative.
I told her to do it more often, and she'll get used to it =)
I was delighted to see the smile on both their faces. How much more the joy of reconciliation of Him who reconciled the world to God. The ministry of reconciliation.
When my mum left, grandma told me how she found it awkward doing what she did. She says she finds it embrassing to do such a thing, being more conservative.
I told her to do it more often, and she'll get used to it =)
Thursday, August 21, 2008
On this day, I arrived back late at midnight, after the preparation for Vivace and staying back in the library to use the internet.
I was locked out of my grandma's home as the door was shut tight. I knocked a couple of times but there was no answer. Not wanting to disturb my grandma, I decided to sleep outside.
[remember to upload photo here]
I was locked out of my grandma's home as the door was shut tight. I knocked a couple of times but there was no answer. Not wanting to disturb my grandma, I decided to sleep outside.
[remember to upload photo here]
Monday, August 18, 2008
The Lord has opened doors for me to go down to live with my grandmother! Thank you all who have prayed for me...
A start in the new school term, many new experiences and new challenges coming ahead for me.
These were the stuff my grandma kept..
in the toilet..
(the stains above represents the state the toilet was in before being cleaned)
A start in the new school term, many new experiences and new challenges coming ahead for me.
These were the stuff my grandma kept..
in the toilet..(the stains above represents the state the toilet was in before being cleaned)Indeed, the old has gone, the new has come...
(the cleaning process was very significant.. I told my grandma that she can put the bitter past behind her and look forward to a new life of hope =p)
My grandma prepared breakfast for me. It was porridge with eggs, TOO SWEET... (she has cataract in the eye and can't see properly the amount of ingredient she adds) but I forced it down my throat anyway. Thank God who sustained my stomach.. (including the overcooked rice for Sunday's dinner)
I had a chat with my grandma before leaving for school that Monday morning. Again she warned me a lot about people's heart and intentions. She had been cheated a lot in the past and is very wary about people. She also warned me against Jesus, who she said is cheating people's money and demanding His followers of money. She then brought up how in her beliefs as a Buddhist there has been no requirement for people to give of their finances. How I wished to immediately stand up for Christ and to explain her misunderstanding and the reason and purpose behind the giving to God! However, I asked her only 1 question "Do you know why I'm here?" and I told her I want to love her.
I hope she'd know one day that God has given His Son for us, and the reason He came is because He first loved us. Beyond the finances, what God wants is our hearts...
I'll get better at blogging in due time... (can see didn't really pen down the experience of cleaning up, dunno how to put in words for now) just to warm up now. Hope to share more of the hope we can have in Christ, especially through this "secret" mission. I'm putting my trust in Him.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
A dream.
Reconciliation.
"I'm sorry."
Everyone took initiative.
Everyone "washed each others feet".
No one took pride.
Perfect love and forgiveness.
I humble myself to your initiative. The ball is at your court.
Reconciliation.
"I'm sorry."
Everyone took initiative.
Everyone "washed each others feet".
No one took pride.
Perfect love and forgiveness.
I humble myself to your initiative. The ball is at your court.
